Morning Check

Birds' chirp an unpleasant noise,
Sun rays piercing my body through,
Morning air bringing nothing but despair,
go away you light, promises of a morning lay broken,
i want my night back where everything promises to end,
Reality always bit, but cut me into half this time!!!

The Voice in the Whisper

There is this voice sneaking in, gently whispering "what has not happen is not worth lingering on for, try to do what you want(ed) now, things may not and probably will never end up the way you wished but you try , you attempt and that attempt what gets smile on your face. This smile is reason to try further, fail more and when that accomplishment knocks on the door its all worth it, though it may not be the same face you dreamt of but it could well be sweeter. Forget destiny enjoy the ride, destiny is what you will end up at, just do that one ore thing today, destiny will remain and it will never how you imagined or planned it out to b. The key is to enjoy the ride even though it you may end up in the tree, enjoy the high of that adrenaline before the pain because it will be painful, but only youir life before that impact determines your recovery.

Forget, discard, disown de-recognize regrets. What didn't happen , didn't so what do it now , if not try something else instead. But its probably just a whisper against the howling of regrets almost deafening but I'm trying , i must concentrate, regret is just a noise i need to listen to the voice, voice of me. Convert regret to want!!!

                   " Grass is still green , skies are still blue,
                     Rain is still wet , winds will still hit the sail,
                     Gust on the blades, still ring in the laugh,
                     Passion in blood, Fury in love"

16/07/2011

If, Only and Co.

Of rejections and painful withdrawals,

high hopes to great falls,

long walks to lonesome crawls,

losing battles staying in this war,

demons beating drums, devils thumping chests,

test of time i fail , standing only till i fall,

numbness sets in resting against the blood stained wall,

The crevices open and into the crust i go,

sinking in the molten metal flows,

the exterior melts,inner hollows turn to black-hole,

sucking what remains into the distant black glow...

Left to Right stilll all Wrong!!!

My recent to visit to a eastern state in India which after more than 30years elected a different party in recent elections ousting the incumbent communist party. People are optimistic of Paribotan (change) but glimpse in the real life shows more the things change more they remain same... I was visiting a very small town for work, town survives on coal mines and refineries and is not the best place in the world...

Red (Communist Party) to Green (TNC) but its not the Ground!!!

Sun stares, bodies glare,
water boils steaming soil,
black coal,iron ore
human roar all with a price tag...

Souls lost , bodies found,
Red to Green but its not the ground,
orange soil can feed no more
dark skies pour no more...

Ponds parched, blood dry,
ballooned bellies, welled eyes,
today you die tomorrow may be i...

Faces change , demons remain
in this tug of war
more things change
more they remain the same...

Crisis created , solutions averted
bridges broken, road blocks erected
In this land where coal is darker and iron sharper,
where no eagles dare , only hyenas share!!!

I hope the long due paribortan will be realised!!!

Solemn Reruns

Fear or returning to past i so eagerly forgot but losing what should not have been mine in the first place got me back to where i belong. Broken, beat and scarred ... Cant seem to find answers to questions i am unable to frame!!!

Solemn Comebacks

Little comes a lot goes,

roller coaster ride taking its toll,

it rises then it falls,

the seat belt tighten its grip

guess i'm glad its just a belt and not a rope

I'm furious , i'm angry but on whom do i be,

it was i who stepped on the quick sand,

its I who must to go down too,

the stick bearer i once had left a while back,

i am going, like life, death is unaccompanied too,

last words remain unsaid, feelings un-displayed

i go like i lived , distant and alone...

there were rays but hope blinded

lead myself on the edge of the cliff,

i can turn back and live the way i did

or jump and live the most in seconds i hit,

flame extinguished and darkness returns

the walls narrowing again, claustrophobia overruns,

but i'll get used to the way i did then

i'm back from unknown and into my dark precipice,

i feel strange comfort and have less to think

guess i'm finding solace yet again!!!

When hope blinds and societal chains bind...

Morals , Mercs and other Rich's toys

Situation1: An army personnel guns down a terrorist while trying to catch him cause he may have got away.

Situation2: A civilian guns down a robber who just stole his wallet

In an absolute world both equally wrong or right but morals are man made ad subjective to person implementing them. Obviously situation could have been avoided, the person could have just called police etc. and the robber may have landed in jail ( which where i live seems impossible). So anyway no one will contest its wrong but what if that was person's salary in that wallet which was just enough to make him and his family last for one month at bare minimum and without it probably his 1 year kid would die of no food or he'll be in the clutches of money lender and thus end of his life as he know's it and will have to pay exorbitant interest for at least 10years.So in survival situation the action of the person seem reasonable though extreme. 

My point in short, man made his morals subjective to his need and resources thus one doesn't have morals rather one can either afford or not afford them and thus labelled moral or immoral by people who can. Some argue myself included that morals and ethics make this world a civil place and quote examples of the barbaric period. But do they really, the barbarics etc. were as comfortable or uncomfortable in their social structure as we are today and what about hippie movement, the so called civil society called them amoral while they protested against war and repression and the civil society funded for both. Morals are time specific, purely man made and have no higher purpose or sense than any other rule or law specific to that society at that time. 

That were my views or rather rattlings on morals and other stuff i can barely afford but yet i can feel i'm getting broke by it every passing day. So what am i supposed to do when i am confronted or rather slapped in face with self imposed morals on something thats not even near as grave as above situations, do i bow down to the morals and show off my fake richness while it comes at a cost of meal a day  (metaphoric) or do i come clean with my societal poverty and just follow what i feel may be face the wrath but still be content or would i be worse  cause we no longer in a isolated society and i may just come of worse and stupid and alone. Who decides, who has this power , who can be absolute and free from biases and universal  wisdom. I dont and the law of imperfection states that there is intrinsic imperfection in each system and the one who proves it to be has overlooked his own imperfection in judgement. So where i stand if given an option i dont care about morals, just what i feel about things and actions, if something disgusts me i would avoid, something disinterests me i would be indifferent and if there's something i like i want to be part of it, if only everyone could be like this, or may be i am just too self absorbed right now... Anyway i read this somewhere or may be i am just improvising - " Morals are veils that weak hide behind..." , they just make choices simpler by converting them into a binary system of yes or no.

Back to Square One

If only this weren't true!!!

Back to Square One:

Living at what others called square one,

Along came you, got me curious in what lay beyond,

You rolled the dice and I took my chance,

You ahead and I on Two steps behind dance,

At times you reached much further ahead,

Much beyond where my eyes could lead,

Lost and solemn I looked up at heavens,

Down came a ladder with you on the other end,

I was starting to enjoy this roller coaster ride,

You disappeared in distance and sometimes I went down the slide,

Then were left just few squares,

Ending it required one last leap of faith,

While you leaped to join your mate, back I stayed,

I forgot the game was just for fun,

I jumped on that snake to take me back to square one!!!